I read two memoirs recently which helped me learn something else: it's important for a writer to take care where they leave the reader.
Memoirs can go through some dark, heavy things. But I contend that the memoir shouldn't be written if it doesn't have at least SOME sort of closure at the end. Not that everything can be topped with a neat and tidy bow...but at the very least show how you've come to peace even in the untidiness of it all.
Always grateful for your posts, and for the way you leave me as a reader!
I'm still in the stage of personal, not universal. I appreciate your input as planting a seed that may grow in my stories without much help from me. The prayer reminded me again that only God is perfect. How wonderful those Persian rug weavers must have been to feel the need to put a mistake in the weave intentionally. Those mistakes are another thing that will happen without my help!
This is great! I'd love a close reading of different books. It would be helpful to see your editor's notes on what working as well as suggestions towards the three movements. I'd also love examples of the private vs. public drafts. We need it all! I guess you have to do an online course on memoir ;)
Thank you, Stephanie! I'm so curious which memoir you set aside, LOL, but I know that's beside the point, or in this case, the three great points you made! I also had a recent disappointing memoir-read, but many others loved it. Can it be that a story resonates with some readers who've experienced similar life events, but not with those who haven't?
Still, that doesn't explain why I loved All My Knotted-Up Life (Beth Moore), Will the Circle Be Unbroken (Sean Dietrich), and The Glass Castle (Jeannette Walls)...as the authors' life events are completely different from mine, but they still resonated. I guess they must have used the three principles you outline! Now...I need to go back to my manuscript and see if I have. Thanks!
Stephanie, what are some of your favorite memoirs that do this? I'd love to hear from the readers here as well.
I personally really love:
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (It mirrors my early trauma and the impact on voice).
Crazy Brave by Joy Harjo (It is a lyrical telling of the power of music and poetry and how it saves us).
The Shining Affliction by Annie Rogers (It is such an underrated memoir, but it gave me a deep understanding of "the unsayable" and the trauma that lives within our bodies).
In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado (It offers such a brilliant and creative structure for storytelling).
Thank you for sharing openly and generously with us, Stephanie! When I think of the memoirs I love most, they are stories that most transformed my thinking and thus my life. Surprised by Oxford, Miracles & Other Reasonable Things, A Severe Mercy. They are all deeply personal yet lift my gaze upward and outward into the world — and into the Father’s heart. Will be chewing on these words while I write. 🧡
This is absolutely spot on. Its so easy to share a diary piece and not the perspective that comes with it "Speak from the scar, not the wound" as they say. Rings true for writing too
I'm revising a poetry manuscript and will take the Three Movements back to the desk with me.
These ideas resonate with a description I read this morning of Caravaggio's ‘The Supper at Emmaus.' Dr Chloë Reddaway calls this painting a "recognition event."
And that's exactly the kind of movement the best poems and memoirs make--we see the truth of our own stories.
"...we... the pronoun you love most." GAH! So so so good, Stephanie. As always, thank you for sharing your heart and your insight with us. In a Slant Letter from long ago, you once gave the tip of using "we" instead of "you" when writing, and I have taken that to heart and put it into practice since the day you suggested it. It's truly made all the difference when thinking about bringing my reader in and having my story become our story.
I published my first book - a memoir - in 2022, and the greatest compliment I receive always sounds something like: "Infertility isn't my story, but I resonated so deeply with everything you wrote." It answers one of my biggest prayers for the book, a prayer I included in the introduction: "Simply put, my hope for this book is that you would see your story in mine, whether the details are very similar or very different. My hope is that this part of my journey of getting to know God would encourage you to look for the ways he wants to be known by you. Right now, right here, right where you are—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually."
This is so helpful. I will try to add this to my writing. I resonated with so much, but this quote stood out because of something I recently wrote, “going deep in yourself to go deep with your reader,” and the idea that readers underline what makes them feel seen. I needed that translated for me as a reader/writer! So so helpful.
Stephanie, wow, thank you! As someone deep in the throes of the thousandth edit to a memoir and a proposal, this was a really helpful guide for me to think through.
Mar 30·edited Mar 31Liked by Stephanie Duncan Smith
Saving this one for future reference! Such a helpful explanation for memoirists. Making room for the reader happens when you can begin to articulate the "aboutness" of the story worth sharing. Hat tip to Courtney Maum for sharing. Brava!
Loved reading your words on memoir! Very helpful!
I read two memoirs recently which helped me learn something else: it's important for a writer to take care where they leave the reader.
Memoirs can go through some dark, heavy things. But I contend that the memoir shouldn't be written if it doesn't have at least SOME sort of closure at the end. Not that everything can be topped with a neat and tidy bow...but at the very least show how you've come to peace even in the untidiness of it all.
Always grateful for your posts, and for the way you leave me as a reader!
I'm still in the stage of personal, not universal. I appreciate your input as planting a seed that may grow in my stories without much help from me. The prayer reminded me again that only God is perfect. How wonderful those Persian rug weavers must have been to feel the need to put a mistake in the weave intentionally. Those mistakes are another thing that will happen without my help!
I loved this essay, Stephanie! I am going to share it with my memoir-writing clients today. :)
Also, thanks for the share of my recent post. I appreciate it.
This is great! I'd love a close reading of different books. It would be helpful to see your editor's notes on what working as well as suggestions towards the three movements. I'd also love examples of the private vs. public drafts. We need it all! I guess you have to do an online course on memoir ;)
Thank you, Stephanie! I'm so curious which memoir you set aside, LOL, but I know that's beside the point, or in this case, the three great points you made! I also had a recent disappointing memoir-read, but many others loved it. Can it be that a story resonates with some readers who've experienced similar life events, but not with those who haven't?
Still, that doesn't explain why I loved All My Knotted-Up Life (Beth Moore), Will the Circle Be Unbroken (Sean Dietrich), and The Glass Castle (Jeannette Walls)...as the authors' life events are completely different from mine, but they still resonated. I guess they must have used the three principles you outline! Now...I need to go back to my manuscript and see if I have. Thanks!
Stephanie, what are some of your favorite memoirs that do this? I'd love to hear from the readers here as well.
I personally really love:
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (It mirrors my early trauma and the impact on voice).
Crazy Brave by Joy Harjo (It is a lyrical telling of the power of music and poetry and how it saves us).
The Shining Affliction by Annie Rogers (It is such an underrated memoir, but it gave me a deep understanding of "the unsayable" and the trauma that lives within our bodies).
In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado (It offers such a brilliant and creative structure for storytelling).
Thank you for sharing openly and generously with us, Stephanie! When I think of the memoirs I love most, they are stories that most transformed my thinking and thus my life. Surprised by Oxford, Miracles & Other Reasonable Things, A Severe Mercy. They are all deeply personal yet lift my gaze upward and outward into the world — and into the Father’s heart. Will be chewing on these words while I write. 🧡
This is perhaps the most helpful guidance I’ve read on memoir, which is also my favorite genre (to read and to write). Thank you!
This is absolutely spot on. Its so easy to share a diary piece and not the perspective that comes with it "Speak from the scar, not the wound" as they say. Rings true for writing too
I'm revising a poetry manuscript and will take the Three Movements back to the desk with me.
These ideas resonate with a description I read this morning of Caravaggio's ‘The Supper at Emmaus.' Dr Chloë Reddaway calls this painting a "recognition event."
And that's exactly the kind of movement the best poems and memoirs make--we see the truth of our own stories.
Loving every bit of these insights. Thank you, Stephanie!
"...we... the pronoun you love most." GAH! So so so good, Stephanie. As always, thank you for sharing your heart and your insight with us. In a Slant Letter from long ago, you once gave the tip of using "we" instead of "you" when writing, and I have taken that to heart and put it into practice since the day you suggested it. It's truly made all the difference when thinking about bringing my reader in and having my story become our story.
I published my first book - a memoir - in 2022, and the greatest compliment I receive always sounds something like: "Infertility isn't my story, but I resonated so deeply with everything you wrote." It answers one of my biggest prayers for the book, a prayer I included in the introduction: "Simply put, my hope for this book is that you would see your story in mine, whether the details are very similar or very different. My hope is that this part of my journey of getting to know God would encourage you to look for the ways he wants to be known by you. Right now, right here, right where you are—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually."
So grateful for you, Stephanie!
This is so helpful. I will try to add this to my writing. I resonated with so much, but this quote stood out because of something I recently wrote, “going deep in yourself to go deep with your reader,” and the idea that readers underline what makes them feel seen. I needed that translated for me as a reader/writer! So so helpful.
Great points. A well written memoir is my favorite. Stories can be so powerful.
Stephanie, wow, thank you! As someone deep in the throes of the thousandth edit to a memoir and a proposal, this was a really helpful guide for me to think through.
Saving this one for future reference! Such a helpful explanation for memoirists. Making room for the reader happens when you can begin to articulate the "aboutness" of the story worth sharing. Hat tip to Courtney Maum for sharing. Brava!